Adventures in Sabbatical Joy: How Not to Suck at Grad School
Steven R. Shaw
Usually this blog is about tips, tricks, and unsolicited advice about grad school, post-doc fellowships, and early career research work. I’m going to deviate from this a wee bit. I am currently on a sabbatical leave. Some folks treat sabbatical as a restful vacation, visiting professorship, or a chance to travel about. COVID-19 isolation and travel restrictions have altered opportunities this year. I am not much on vacations, but this is a great chance to be mindful and have a career renewal. Such renewal is hard work.
I spent half of my career as a clinician and chose to be an academic. I made big decisions and some sacrifices (as did my family) to become a professor. I have learned the job and how to function in this odd culture. But a renewal is needed. Work has been a slog. Everything is tedious and difficult. My strengths are not especially valued in modern academia. My work has not been good lately. It gets published, but is bland and lacks meaning. Teaching and supervision are ok, but uninspired. The bad stuff feels worse and the good stuff is not very rewarding. Change is needed.
Separating work renewal from the personal is also impossible. Personal and family long-term medical issues are stressful. Mental health issues are devastating to work and motivation. It is special to have a friend or two who is supportive; especially that close friend who reminds you that you are good, but inspires you to be far better. Personal life is life, but that is another issue; this post is only about how personal life affects professional life. The personal always is a factor in professional renewal. And the other way around, too.
Maybe I should go back to being a clinician. Maybe I could do something to suck a bit less at my job. I am studying new methods, trying innovative approaches to writing and thinking, collecting new data in creative ways, attending to novel concepts, partnering with new and super smart people, and working on my craft. I left clinical work to improve the training of professionals and expand knowledge for the mental health and development of children and adolescents. Being a middle-aged mediocre academic was not on the bucket list.
The sculptor can learn and master tools and techniques, but still never be great or feel good about the work. You can be workman-like, solid, accomplished, or outwardly successful; but not much more than mediocre. What makes an artist or scientist great? What are the paths that lead to making a difference and sucking less in a sustainable manner? There are many paths to making quality work that matters.
I have been reminded of some things that I already know, but was not living. It is time to ensure these goals are not aspirational, but a way of working and being. Time to renew commitments. There is also a small twist.
Be useful. Having a grant funded, publishing a paper, receiving plaudits from colleagues, promotions, winning awards, merit raises, and the like are terrible and silly goals. The goal of all activity and every product is to be useful. If you are useful, then you are successful. Nothing else is really important. Everything else will stem from setting the goal of being useful.
Make trouble. If you have privilege, power, stability, and control; but you do nothing to change the system then you are the problem. Even if you are benign, fair, and kind—you are still the problem. Upset the apple cart. This is you at your most useful.
Inspire others. It is not and never has been about you.
Play, have fun, and do everything with joy. Like a child; the best, highest quality, most useful, most trouble making, and most inspiring work that you can do starts with play. Wouldn’t it be cool if…..? What is the weirdest possible explanation for these data? Why are you doing it that way? What can you do that would change everything? What is a different way to think about this? Play is not just about mental play, but how you do it. Go barefoot, laugh, dance, explore, jump, play loud music, doodle, stop acting your age, do something new everyday for giggles, and keep the passion. Creative spirit, disciplined execution. Fun mind, fertile mind.
Small twist. My mistake was waiting for ideas, events, or people to bring joy to me. Of course, the secret is to bring joy to everything all the time. Drive the bus, do not pay the fare to be a passenger. No matter what.
I have always tried to adhere to these principles, but I lost my way trying to be what I thought a real and serious academic should be and trying to cope with personal issues. It is okay to be wrong as long as you recognize the problem and correct the course. This is the worst possible situation in which to lose your way.
Rebuttal
To those who say, but…this is serious business. You don’t even know. I say…..bahahahaha. You are talking to the wrong person. I know serious: pallbearer at 4 funerals of children under 5 (peds hem/onc work), cut by a student, a lot of PICU end-stage handholding, several gun incidents, and numerous student/patient suicide attempts and overdoses. A paper rejection, minutia of p-values, or not getting tenure are not serious.
To those who say, yes but…
…academia is a hellscape that will eat a joyful person whole
…you have privilege
…my university is so staid I must fit in
…no one will take me seriously
…I can’t afford to lose this job, there are no others
…I hate everything and everyone all the time
There is always an excuse. Don’t do the job of the haters for them. Go ahead, stay in the job you hate, doing work you hate, with people you hate. I’m sure everything will work out wonderfully for you. Why are you doing this to yourself if you feel that way? I was there. I thought about leaving. I am getting better. I know there are people who can suck the joy out of a hot fudge sundae, but this is a wonderful career for laughter and joy—it is time to embrace the opportunities.
Those of you who follow me on the twitter machine @Shawpsych might notice a little change. Of course I get tired, disappointed, lonely, discouraged, receive black dog visits, unmotivated, frustrated, and experience most human feelings of general suck in the year of the great suck. That doesn’t mean that I will stop viewing the work with joy and fun. I am going to try to do a better job of reflecting that. After all, this is about inspiring others in the silliest and most joyful way possible.